


You're Worth It

by monumentalnightmare



Series: Wayhaught One Shots [3]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Insecurity, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 02:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11888193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monumentalnightmare/pseuds/monumentalnightmare
Summary: Nicole has never been good with emotions or opening up, but when Waverly finds her in a bad state at her apartment, she might not be able to keep her emotions under wraps for much longer.





	You're Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> This is based between 2x09 and 2x10 but Widow Mercedes doesn't turn up at Nicole's apartment and she doesn't end up in the hospital. I hope you enjoy as this is a story pretty close to me.

_Waverly needs space._

_You know what I would never do? Tell you how to think or feel._

_She’s dying under the weight of your expectations._

Nicole always had a fear deep down that she wasn’t good enough for Waverly. It wasn’t helping with the arguing they had been doing lately. The brunette is literally the definition of perfection, whereas all that she happened to be was a rooky cop. She hadn’t long graduated from the police academy and even though Nedley had put in all his effort to recruit her, it didn’t mean she was the best. Yes, she graduated at the top of her class but being in Purgatory meant she was the only female cop who made it or made the decision to move to a place that’s freezing cold most of the time. The trouble is, Nicole knows that being a female, as well as being from another state, meant it was bound to be difficult to gain respect from the citizens of Purgatory. No one knew her like they did the other police officers – one that came to mind was Officer Hardy. Yes, Champ Hardy’s father is a police officer which really does explain a lot about how he gets away with so much in the town. Frankly, Nicole isn’t a big fan of the Hardy’s in general and she knows full well they aren’t a big fan of her either.

Where Nicole grew up, she found it hard due to being different to everyone else – she preferred playing sports to playing with dolls for example. Even though her parents weren’t a fan of the fact their daughter playing with the boys at school, they never said anything. Nicole never saw a problem personally with playing sports, but apparently, that was the wrong way to think about things.  By playing sports with the boys, such as football and basketball, it caused everyone to pay more attention to her but not exactly in a good way. She stuck out like a sore thumb and she became the weird tomboy girl who played with the boys all the time, which she despised. Nicole wasn’t ever that close to her parents and whenever she tried to talk to her parents about the way she felt like she was being treated at school, all they had to say was she brought it upon herself which, of course, isn’t something a child wants to hear.  Nicole didn’t even get what that was even supposed to mean.

Before Nicole met Waverly, she had just gone through a separation from her ex-wife Shay. It wasn’t something Nicole was proud of due to the fact she only imagined getting married once. Well, technically it wasn’t her fault since the both of them were drunk at the time and they were in Vegas – how could she not? Shay really was amazing too. They met when she was rock climbing in Nevada. It was spring break and even though most of her friends went somewhere to party, it wasn’t her scene, so she decided to take the time to do some of the things she had been dying to do for ages. Rock climbing had been at the top of her list and since she had never been to Vegas either, her plan was to go rock climbing before exploring the city. Shay was with a couple of friends at the time and she looked stunning. Nicole hadn’t dated much due to being at the academy which took up most of her time, so she decided to go for it.

Shay was funny, beautiful and really intelligent. Whilst getting to know her, Nicole discovered she was studying to become a doctor. The woman really did seem to have a knack for it too just by the way she spoke and after a couple of hours, she was invited to join her and her friends to see Britney Live with them. Come on – how could she not? It’s Britney! The entire thing was amazing and it wasn’t just that – she got to know Shay better. After the concert, it was all a little blurry due to the amount they drank but she did remember the big win at the slot machine and kissing Shay. Damn, did she kiss that woman a lot that night. However, what she didn’t remember is the wedding until the next day when she woke up with a wedding ring on her finger. It made her feel awful since the both of them were really drunk but, what she was grateful for, was Shay helped her feel good for a night.

Nicole has always had trouble with her emotions. Being able to control them was always an internal struggle which she hated. Whenever she did something wrong it affected her a lot more than it would someone with their emotions intact. If someone was to say something negative about her, it would eat at her for days. Her parents didn’t exactly help that. At one point, her parents had been called into school because they thought she showed signs of depression and they basically told the school they were wrong and she was fine. Yeah – they were totally wrong. On top of being stressed because of all the school work and exams she had, she hadn’t been able to concentrate because she was depressed all the time. All she had wanted to do was sleep all day and forget about everything but due to school and wanting to become a cop, she knew forcing herself to go to school was the best thing to do. Who knows where she would be otherwise.

Hearing what Wynonna said to her whilst under the influence of Mictian, it made her very insecure about her relationship with Waverly. What if she was right? Maybe she had been spending too much time with the brunette and it had become too much. What if Waverly had changed her mind? Maybe she wanted a break – gosh, Nicole didn’t know if she could deal with that.

_You are not her keeper, Nicole_

_Waverly is not the white picket fence in Purgatory girl you want her to be anymore._

_Control Freak._

Nicole was laying on the couch staring into space. She had not long been back from work and she couldn’t get herself to move. She even left two hours early without saying anything to anyone. She was just struggling – her mind wasn’t doing well at the moment. She had thought about getting help, what would that do? She would just be taking medication which would make her feel nothing. Nicole has read all about the side effects and it makes her not want to take them even more. Of course, there are more options such as counselling, but why would she want to talk to a stranger about a lifetime of things that have been going on for years? If Nicole is honest, she doesn’t feel as though they even care. They literally just sit and pretend to listen half the time and just give you medication anyway. 

She kept hearing her phone go off but she didn’t want to answer. She found out, completely accidently, that her girlfriend had ended up kissing the bartender, Rosita, whilst they were fighting. She didn’t blame Waverly one bit. Why wouldn’t she want to kiss another woman? Rosita is gorgeous – not Waverly gorgeous, but still good looking – and she’s surprised Waverly hasn’t ended it already. Things didn’t work out well for her, ever, so why would it now? She came to Purgatory and got this beautiful woman which, in itself, was surprising. That never happened to Nicole and she literally bluffed her way through the entire thing – being able to pretend to be confident happened to be the best thing about her. Now look at her – she’s laying on her couch not being able to get up due to being too depressed. She had been able to control it lately due to being happy with Waverly but because of everything that had been going on she had fallen back slowly and slowly. Work kept her distracted but not completely.

Her phone finally stopped buzzing which, in a way, was a relief – well, that was until someone began knocking at the door. Nicole would get up, but she had no energy. From work to her relationship meant she was physically and mentally exhausted. She knows Wynonna doesn’t think she is good enough for Waverly and now everything with Waverly has become too much. She just wanted to lay on the couch and stare into space – was that really too much to ask?

“Nicole? Baby, please answer the door.”

Nicole pushed herself up slowly. God, why could she never say no to Waverly? Sighing, she dragged herself to the door opening it up to see the brunette. She knew she looked awful. Her hair was a mess from laying on the couch for so long, her uniform looked creased and she didn’t even want to go into how her makeup looked. She didn’t think she had looked so bad since they started dating. Were they even dating?

“Yes?”

Waverly pressed her lips together stepping closer.  “Nicole, listen – I know you found out about me and -”

“Yes, I found out you kissed someone else and I get it.”

The brunette looked at her with regret in her eyes. “Can we talk?”

Nicole didn’t want to argue even more with how bad she feels so she just ended up shrugging walking into her apartment allowing Waverly to follow. She decided to take her shoes off this time leaving them beside the couch instead of the shoe rack falling forward onto the couch. Nicole knew she was going to stay here for the rest of the day now – she used all of her energy to greet Waverly and lately her energy had been lacking.

“Hey, are you okay?” Waverly asked, causing Nicole to turn her head to see her girlfriend kneeling beside the couch. “I’ve never seen you like this before.”

Nicole nodded her head looking at Waverly the best she could before smiling.  “Of course, Waverly. I’ve heard Rosita is working today so you can totally go hang out with her. I’m totally fine with that.”

Waverly sighs causing Nicole to shift back to facing the back of the couch. She couldn’t deal with this – not now. Her mind was running too fast and she just wanted everything to stop – she couldn’t think. She felt Waverly’s fingers trace over her back and her mind slowly began to slow down as she focused on her girlfriend’s touch. After a few minutes, Nicole slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position before Waverly moved her legs so they were either side of her.

“I don’t care about what Rosita is doing right now. What I do care about, however, is how you are feeling.”

The redhead shook her head feeling her eyes start to water. “I – I can’t – everything is too much. My head is racing and I can’t – it won’t -”

Waverly knelt up cupping her cheeks instantly.  “Ssh, it’s okay, baby. You don’t have to explain just please – please – don’t push me away. You are retracting and shutting me out. I’ve noticed this the past couple of weeks.”

“You mean when we were fighting?” Nicole asked, a harsh tone present in her voice. “That was not my fault. I didn’t mean it, and -”

“I know – I know,” Waverly said before kissing her forehead helping Nicole to relax a little. “Baby, if I am going to help you feel better, you have to talk to me. I’m your girlfriend – I want to help you.”

Nicole knew Waverly was telling the truth. She knew talking with her would help Waverly to understand, but that would mean explaining her past. They had been dating approximately three months and getting into all of her depression bullshit probably wasn’t a good idea. There was definitely a possibility of Waverly saying she can’t deal with it and then she’ll just get worse. Everything that had been said to her regarding her relationship with Waverly had made her insecurities come to the surface. Actually, it made her feel terrible and that she was putting too much pressure on her girlfriend. Why did she have to do that?

She tried focusing on Waverly stroking her cheek, but it wasn’t working – her head was still running ten times the speed it should be. Nicole closed her eyes feeling Waverly rest her forehead against her own.

“Please talk to me – I can feel the cogs turning in your head right now.”

Nicole raised her hands gripping Waverly’s forearms nodding slowly. She took a deep breath trying to get some air into her lungs before breathing out again. Okay so that didn’t do much, but it helped her chest feel a lot better.

“I just – I feel like everything is too much right now,” Nicole whispered, shaking her head enjoying the feel of Waverly’s soft touch. “My head is running too fast and it won’t slow down.”

How else could she say it? Nicole wasn’t ready to tell everything to Waverly. She had to explain to her at some point that technically, and legally, she was married.  They had separated but Waverly wouldn’t understand that. Also, now definitely wasn’t the right time to discuss an ex-wife.

“Okay, well how about I help you?”

She raises her eyebrow intrigued. “How can you possibly help me, Waverly?”

“Nicole…”

Nicole shakes her head gripping her hair in frustration. “You have no idea what is going through my head, Waverly.”

“Then tell me. Tell me what is going on so I can help. I want to help you, Nicole.” Waverly insisted, squeezing her hands easing them off her hair. 

The redhead didn’t know what to say. She knew talking to Waverly was going to be tough because there was a huge possibility of her walking out the door. Every day that was the biggest fear and she didn’t want it to come true. Waverly meant everything to Nicole and, at times, she was all she had. Losing the only person in Purgatory that cares for her wasn’t an option.

“I’m not good enough for you.”

Waverly cupped Nicole’s cheeks raising up on her knees meeting her eyes. “Nicole Haught – don’t you dare.”

“No, I know I’m not good enough for you, Waverly. You are perfect and have such a happy vibe about you then there’s me. I’m just – you can do better, trust me.” Nicole said feeling dejected. “You deserve everything Waverly and I – I just – that’s not me.”

“Are you finished talking? Because I’d really like to say something.” Waverly watched Nicole until she saw a nod before tilting the redhead’s head up so their eyes meet. “Do you know why I like you so much?”

“Because of the way I perceived myself when we first met?”

Waverly chuckled shaking her head. “As much as I would like to say your confidence was the reason, it wasn’t. Nicole, you are so beautiful and I don’t mean just physically. You have such a big heart and I love that about you. You care about everyone in this town whether they like you back or not. You don’t give up on anyone – you haven’t on me or Wynonna even though I know she has said some awful things to you about us which she is still paying for by the way.

Nicole blushes. “I don’t want to give up on you and I guess Wynonna comes with the package.”

“Gosh, I know, baby. So sorry about that. But what I like most about you is you are always striving to do the right thing. After we were apart due to the arguing we did, I understood why you kept the DNA results from me. You just didn’t want me to be disappointed or heartbroken by the results and I really am grateful for that. You know how much being an Earp means to me.”

Nicole takes Waverly’s hands squeezing them not knowing what else to say. Her girlfriend was right, of course – she didn’t want Waverly to be disappointed. She knew it was the start of an entirely new adventure which she knew Waverly wasn’t quite ready to take. She knows Wynonna was told about the situation and pretty much reacted the same way Waverly probably did when she opened the results. Even to this day, Nicole regrets opening those results – she just wanted to know so she could help Waverly in the best way possible. Not one of her best ideas she had to admit.

“I just – I have to explain something to you, Waverly,” Nicole took a deep breath looking into Waverly’s beautiful brown eyes for comfort before being met with a comforting smile in return which helped her a lot. “I – um – I have depression. I’ve had it for years, but I – it’s gotten worse lately. What, with our arguing and everything that happened with Mictian.”

Their foreheads met as Nicole tried to stop her heart from beating so fast. She felt it racing inside her chest and there was no easy way to calm it down. Waverly got up from the ground before pulling Nicole up with her before putting a hand against her chest feeling her heart. Waverly’s smile made her feel so much better but it still didn’t help her calm down – she had never told anyone about her mental health issues before. It scared her to death.

“Baby – baby, you have to breathe.” Waverly uttered before kissing her softly with her hands resting on each side of her neck. “Nicole – breathe.”

Nicole nodded and took a deep breath to try and calm the beating inside her chest. What if she left? What if she now realized how broken she was and wanted to leave her? Waverly kissed her again afterwards brushing her lips softly against her own which, of course, didn’t help the beating in her chest but, this time, it wasn’t a bad thing. Waverly made her feel so many things and the one thing she loved was how easy she made things. Kissing for example – they could easily just kiss for hours without it leading anywhere. Not that she didn’t love their sexual relationship, but sometimes it’s nice to just hold her girlfriend for a while and forget everything. It has always helped when she has had a terrible day – like now.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Waverly whispered bringing their lips together once again.

Nicole closes her eyes nodding. “You know I love you, right?”

Waverly’s lips curled up into a smile. “Of course I do.”

“I just want you to know I’m not easy to be around sometimes – I’ve never told anyone about this,” Nicole admitted, breaking eye contact looking at the floor. “I’m terrified it will push you away and that’s why I never told you.”

“Nothing will make me walk away from you,” Waverly assures the redhead tilting her head back up. “I’m here for as long as you’ll have me.”

“How can you be so sure?” Nicole asked, feeling her eyes water since many people in the past have said that to her. “You’re not the only one to tell me that they wouldn’t leave. I’ve got used to people not sticking around, Waverly.”

“You can trust me.”

Nicole nods her head. “I know – I just – I’m terrified this will push us apart because you’ll realize I’m not worth it.”

Taking her hand, Waverly kisses it with a smile. “You will always be worth it to me.”

“Yeah?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you, baby,” Waverly said before pulling Nicole against her. “Plus, when you love someone the way I love you, you want to keep them around as long as possible.”

The two women look at each other not being able to look away. Nicole couldn’t believe it – Waverly had finally said it. She knew how Waverly felt but to hear it out loud made it completely different. She couldn’t look away and didn’t want to. Waverly Earp loves her. Nicole feels herself grin before bringing their lips together forgetting about how had she initially felt enjoying the way their lips fit together as their lips crashed together. Nicole ran her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair enjoying how soft it felt as it slid between her fingers. Her other arm was around Waverly’s waist pulling their bodies together. Nicole knew she had a lot of issues going on, but the fact that the woman she loves, loves her back makes her feel on top of the world. Pulling back, she smiles at Waverly pushing her hair away from the frame of her face.

“You love me.”

Waverly grins nodding her head. “I do – you love me too.”

“I do.” Nicole wraps her arms around Waverly burying her face into her neck. “God, I love you so much.”

They stand there in the middle of the apartment for a few minutes just enjoying the moment before they both pull back entwining their fingers together looking at each other with huge grins on their faces.

“Damn, this wasn’t the way I was going to tell you,” Waverly admitted laughing. “I was going to take you to dinner and confess my love for you there but this is just as good.”

“Sorry I ruined your big plans – I know you are a big planner, sweetheart.”

“No, no, don’t be silly. This is just as good.” Waverly said, pulling Nicole closer if that was even possible. “However, I want you to know that I am not leaving you to deal with all this by yourself, okay? I’m here for you, Nicole - no matter what.”

Nicole nods her head biting her lip nervously. “We still have stuff we need to talk about.”

“I know, but let’s not overdo on the confessions tonight.”

They both laughed before joining their lips together once again. Nicole may not be dealing with everything in the best way right now, however, at least she knows she won’t be losing Waverly anytime soon. She will get help eventually, but all she wants to focus on right now is the way Waverly’s lips move perfectly against her own and how her hands are slowly moving down to her ass. Perhaps a distraction will be beneficial.

As the two women move towards the bedroom, Nicole can’t help but smile and think that maybe things will turn out well after all.


End file.
